Identity in a Time of Change: Threat or Opportunity?

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

— Lao Tzu

When I work with people contemplating a major life change, such as career change (especially following an “institutionalising” spell in fields like uniformed services or professional sport) or relocating to a new country, we’re often swiftly unravelling layers of a psychological onion.

It might start with a simple, nagging and fuzzy feeling of “I’m not sure I want to do this any more” or “I wonder what else is out there”.

Pretty soon, though, we’re exploring far bigger questions such as “who am I really?” and “what am I truly here to do?”.

Seem scary? It doesn’t need to be that way.

Remember the scene in Cool Runnings (a film full of useful life wisdom, by the way) where we see the power of a different perspective:

Yul Brenner:
Look in the mirror and tell me what you see!
Junior Bevill:
I see Junior.
Yul Brenner:
You see Junior? Well, let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!

The difficulty is that when we’ve spent a long time soaking up an identity from our environment, parents, peers, external influences like social media — right through to the things we wear, say and do — we take on the shape of that mould.

Then, when the day (inevitably) comes where that shape no longer serves us, we struggle to shed it and realise we can absolutely spring back to the unique shape we always were — a shape that may fit into several different moulds over our lives and careers; or perhaps not fit any mould yet cast. All of which are perfectly welcome as chapters in your story.

The moment I usually see the emergence of a new, exciting and enthusing reality for people going through this kind of change is when the verbalised thoughts change:

From “I’m stuck” to “I’m curious about what’s out there”

From “I’ll hang on and see what happens” to “I’m ready for something new”

From “It is what it is” to “I’m willing to see things differently”

Or my favourite: no longer replying “living the dream” with an eye roll when someone asks how you are or what you’re up to at the moment.

Create Space to Look Deeper

You probably “know” what you need to do. We often truly know what needs to happen — in fact, let’s reframe that right away into something more active — what we need to do. The issue is that it’s always a lot more obvious in hindsight, when we find ourselves doing the little palms-up shrugging emoji action and asking why we didn’t just do it sooner.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality”

As Seneca put it many years ago, and he didn’t even have Instagram or YouTube to procrastinate with.

The key is to actively dig below the surface into what’s really going on for you when you start to get those emotional, physical or spiritual warning signs.

Think of it this way — you’re driving a car when the engine warning light comes on. Something is wrong. At this stage, though, you don’t necessarily know what, or how serious it is. You can probably carry on your journey. You can maybe even leave it a week or two until you take it to the garage. Until you do, you don’t have enough information to diagnose the scale of the action you need to take — is it an oil change or a complete rebuild?

Similarly, if you’ve reached that point of “I can’t do this any more”, there would have been small signs along the way. Unless you interrogate those thoughts and feelings, though, it’s too easy to mask them and carry on regardless. We all know that inevitably the day you really do need to arrive somewhere on time will be the day that engine gives up.

So, what can you do about it?

Start to see that career change or career growth or any other change differently. Everything happening is simply information that you can continually assess against your values, strengths and vision. If they’re in alignment, brilliant — keep going but keep checking in.

If you don’t truly know what your values are — start there, because they’ve always been guiding your reactions and decisions whether you realised it or not.

Equally, take the time to understand your true strengths. I love the “VIA Character Strengths” assessment, but there are many ways to do this. If you’re closing the page on one of those moulding careers or environments, this is essential to help you answer the question “What do you do?” without defaulting to the niche you’re about to leave.

Vision is where the really exciting part happens. Stop asking “how do I get out of here” and start asking “how do I get to where I truly want to be”.

You’re already showing up and working hard — but is it taking you to places you want to be? Is it helping you become the person you want to be?

If not, are you willing to see things differently? Are you willing to act differently? That’s all you need to start.